On Tuesday, the maker of Vitamin Water, Glacéau, unexpectedly ended Donovan McNabb’s endorsement deal with the company after thousands of Eagles fans complained that the water was largely ineffective, judging by the quarterback’s performance against the Giants this past Sunday night.
President Mike Repole defended his company’s product, saying “Vitamin Water gives athletes the strength and stamina they need in physically strenuous circumstances.”
Referring to McNabb he added, “Some bodies, however, reject the vitamins.”
CEO J. Darius Bikoff stood behind the decision, claiming they gave McNabb the benefit of the doubt.
“We ran through the gamut of offerings with Donovan,” said Bikoff. “First we had him try kiwi-strawberry Focus, then peach-mango Endurance, and finally tropical citrus Energy . . . nothing seemed to work.”
Going against management recommendations, McNabb gravitated toward other drinks in the line, particularly the guava B-relaxed, the green tea Rescue, and fruit punch Revive products.
“They are the sweet ones,” he told the media, “Makes me think of candy. Plus, I like to feel nice and mellow when I come up to the line of scrimmage.”
Crowds at stadiums across the country would not disagree. Some head coaches have even expressed fear in letting their quarterbacks drink Vitamin Water.
Jeff Garcia, the new Tampa Bay quarterback, who has had a few razor-sharp games says that while in Philadelphia last season, McNabb tried to hold him down and make him drink the B-relaxed flavor.
“I resisted,” said Garcia. “I was afraid there might be some kind of sedative or roofie in it.”
Some upset Eagles fans blame Vitamin Water for weakening their quarterback’s bones and have been urinating in empty VW bottles and leaving them at the entrance to the NovaCare complex. League officials are investigating.
McNabb, however, hasn’t let this sudden loss of a high-profile sponsor bother him. In fact, he is rumored to be close to signing a 5-year $20 million dollar endorsement deal with Good Humor Ice Cream.
“I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream!” he yelled out after the game this weekend, taking a waffle cone out of his locker. “I can’t wait to put on the white suit and white hat.”
Andy Reid declined to comment on his quarterback’s suggestion that they turn the Eagles team bus into an ice cream truck, with merry-go-round music blaring from a speaker on top. Good Humor executives, however, are thrilled with the idea and say they plan to get in touch with the Eagles’ front office soon.
Head trainers for the Eagles have been checking out #5 for neurological symptoms resulting from being sacked 12 times, but Wilma McNabb insists that her son has always been a little silly.
I scream!!!!! hahahaha. That McNabb is soooo silly. I can just picture him standing there with his chubby belly hanging out from his white outfit. With a huge, silly grin, he is licking the white melted cream as it cascades down, dribbling off the cone over his fingers. Keep licking McSilly!